Tips Today The Eocene Diet

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Tips Today The Eocene Diet

Warning -- Satire -- Apr Fool's Post

65 1000000 years ago, a massive asteroid slammed into the Yucatan peninsula, creating a giant dust cloud that contributed to the extinction of terrestrial dinosaurs.  In the resulting re-adjustment of global ecosystems, a novel establish tissue evolved, which paved the agency for the eventual appearance of humans: fruit.  Fruit represents a finely crafted symbiosis betwixt plants in addition to animals, inwards which the establish provides a nourishing morsel, in addition to the beast disperses the plant's seeds within a package of rich fertilizer.

Fruit was such a powerful selective pressure level that mammals rapidly evolved to exploit it to a greater extent than effectively, developing adaptations for life inwards the wood canopy.  One final result of this was the rapid emergence of primates, carrying physical, digestive in addition to metabolic adaptations for the acquisition in addition to consumption of fruit in addition to leaves.  Primates also continued eating insects, a vestige of our early on mammalian heritage. 

The Eocene epoch began 55.8 1000000 years ago, exactly afterward the emergence of primates.  For most of the fourth dimension betwixt the initiatory of all of the Eocene in addition to today, our ancestors ate the archetypal primate diet of fruit, leaves in addition to insects, exactly every bit most primates produce today. 

In contrast, the Paleolithic era, marked past times the evolution of rock tools in addition to a dietary shift toward meat in addition to cooked starches, began solely 2.6 1000000 years ago.  The Paleolithic era represents solely five portion of the fourth dimension that shaped our primate genome-- 95 portion of primate evolutionary history occurred prior to the Paleolithic.  The Neolithic period, since humans domesticated plants roughly 10,000 years ago, accounts for solely 0.02 percent.

Therefore, nosotros are non good adapted to eating grains, legumes in addition to dairy, in addition to nosotros aren't good adapted to eating meat in addition to starch either.  Our true, deepest evolutionary adaptations are to the foods that sustained our primate ancestors for the tens of millions of years prior to the Paleolithic.  That's why I designed the Eocene Diet (TM). 

The Eocene Diet is easy.  You exactly consume these 3 foods:
  • Raw fruit
  • Raw leaves (no dressing!)
  • Live insects
Once a week, y'all also larn to consume a 2 ounce subdivision of raw meat or liver, to mimic the occasional meat consumption of chimpanzees in addition to other primates.  
Here's a photograph of a sample meal:


Fruit in addition to leaves are slow to find, but what nigh insects?  With a footling practice, you'll meet that they're slow to discovery too, oft for free.  Here are around tips:
  • Pet stores.  They unremarkably sell crickets in addition to mealworms.
  • Look nether rotting logs.
  • Find a long, flexible stalk in addition to stick it into a termite mound.  Termites volition pick out handgrip of onto it in addition to y'all tin consume them off the stem. 
How good does the Eocene Diet work?  Here's a photograph of WHS reader Cristina B. afterward solely 3 weeks on the diet:


She looks pleased.


Apr Fools!


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